“I became who I am through understanding what I had been living through all along.”
I opened my first gym at eighteen years old. I stepped into something that felt structured and certain at the time, building a life that looked stable from the outside, but was already disconnected from me in ways I couldn’t yet name. I knew how to move forward, how to work hard, and how to create stability in the external parts of my life, but there was something within me that still felt distant and undefined.
I didn’t have language for it then, but I knew how to keep going, how to show up, and how to make things work. That way of being carried into every area of my life, including the ones that were asking something deeper from me.
I traveled the country as a consultant for gym franchise owners, teaching them how to run their operations, and I stayed fully immersed in the fitness and wellness industry for decades. When I stepped away from that chapter to raise my family, I believed I was shifting priorities in a way that made sense for that season, but a large part of me was being set aside during that time, even if I couldn’t fully see it yet.
“I became a coach through the process of saving my own life.”
Three years ago, my life looked completely different. I was a stay at home mom with four children, no income of my own, and no clear picture of what my future could hold. I spent years trying to hold a life together that never felt stable, no matter how much effort I gave to it.
From the outside, it may have looked like everything was being managed, but internally, I was carrying a level of exhaustion I didn’t yet have words for. There were nights I sat on the edge of my bed after everyone was asleep, staring at the floor, feeling completely emptied out, but already knowing I would get up and do it all again the next day.
I’d learned how to keep going regardless of how I felt. I’d learned how to carry more than I should’ve had to carry without letting it show.
When I made the decision to start over, there was nothing to fall back on. No career waiting, no savings in my name, and no roadmap to follow, but I had four children who needed stability. So I became the one who created it. I took on three jobs to keep us afloat. During the week, I worked as a project coordinator for a boutique construction company, I cleaned houses on the side, and I dog sat on the weekends. I said yes because survival required it. There were nights I collapsed on the couch before making it to bed and mornings I woke up already bracing for what the day would require.
Through all of it, something steady remained within me. There was an awareness that I’d already survived experiences I hadn’t fully named yet, and that awareness stayed with me in a quiet, grounding way that kept me moving forward.
“You’re not broken for loving the way you do. You’re speaking a language you learned when you were small.”
During that season, my relationship with myself began to shift. I started paying attention to what felt alive within me and allowed space for something beyond responsibility and survival. I had decades of experience in the fitness and wellness industry, and that part of me was still there beneath everything I’d been carrying.
I enrolled in a health counseling certification program as a way to reconnect with myself, and around the same time, I found a course on attachment theory through the Personal Development School. I believed I was expanding my skillset, but what unfolded was a deeper understanding of my own life.
For the first time, I had language for my patterns. I could see why I stayed in situations that hurt me and why my body chose what felt familiar, even when it didn’t feel safe. I could see how patterns continued even when circumstances changed, and I began to understand how much of my behavior had been shaped by adaptation. My nervous system had learned how to survive and had been carrying those patterns for years, but everything began to connect in a way that felt clear and grounded.
The body and the mind work together. Trauma is held within the body as much as it’s remembered and healing involves learning how to feel safe within yourself again.
“What was learned can be unlearned. Secure attachment is possible.”
Today I have a coaching practice serving people all around the world. I’m a certified life coach, health counselor, and attachment theory specialist, and I’ve written seven books, including my memoir Refined by Love and six companion workbooks that guide women through attachment healing, nervous system regulation, and rebuilding their sense of self after trauma.
Somatic breathwork has become a central part of my own healing, and it continues to shape how I understand what it means to heal. The body carries what it has experienced and adapts over time, and working with the body allows those patterns to shift in a way that feels grounded and sustainable.
I hold space for my clients from lived experience. I understand what it feels like to question your reality, to override your own needs, and to stay in patterns that don’t reflect who you truly are. I help them see what has been shaping their lives through a lens of understanding that allows for clarity without judgment. My work comes from what I’ve lived through and what I’ve rebuilt within myself.
“The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.”
My mission is simple. I want every woman to understand herself more deeply and to see the ways she adapted, the ways she learned, and the ways she survived. Those patterns made sense at one point in time, but there’s space for something new to emerge as she continues to grow. I believe our deepest wounds can open the door to healing when we’re willing to face them honestly. That process unfolds through presence and understanding over time.
The woman who cleaned houses and worked weekends focused on getting through each day, on providing for her children, and on holding everything together, but through that season she was also rebuilding herself in ways that would later shape how she lived, how she loved, and how she showed up in the world.
If you’re in a season that feels heavy, I understand how real that weight can feel, and I also know that something is forming within you as you move through it. It builds gradually through lived experience, and it becomes clearer over time as you begin to see yourself with more compassion and clarity.
Connect with Rebecca at wellnesswithrebecca.com and on Instagram @wellness_with_rebecca
Rebecca Lee Wells is a life coach, health counselor, attachment theory specialist, and author. Through her practice, Wellness with Rebecca, she helps women around the world heal from toxic relationships, regulate their nervous systems, and rebuild their lives from the inside out. Her work is rooted in lived experience and in the quiet understanding that comes from walking through something and finding your way back to yourself within it.
